The Pum Pum Manifesto: Toys I Swear By & Pleasure You Deserve
A science-backed pleasure guide from your favourite Be Daring baddie
If you’re expecting me to just say “sex is great” and “everyone orgasms equally,” you might wanna sit down for this.
If this post made you feel seen, come hang out.
Because spoiler alert: that’s not how it works. There’s a wild, frustrating, and honestly kinda ridiculous gap between how often men and women orgasm and it’s time we unpack the messy truth with some laughs, hard facts, and a little bit of sass.
So grab a snack, maybe a toy, and let’s dive in.
The Orgasm Gap Is Real!!! And It’s Bullsh*t
Let’s start with the facts:
95% of straight men orgasm during sex
65% of straight women do
86% of lesbian women orgasm during sex
…and only 18% of women reliably orgasm through vaginal penetration alone
This difference is so consistent across studies that researchers literally call it the “orgasm gap.”
This isn’t just about missing out on fun. It reflects social conditioning, misinformation, and medical bias that all contribute to a world where female pleasure is an afterthought… or worse, a punchline.
The Clitoris Is the Real MVP ( And Science Proves It)
Let’s talk anatomy, baby.
The clitoris is the only human organ whose sole purpose is pleasure.
It contains 15,000+ nerve endings, making it the most sensitive part of the human body. (Yes, even more than the penis, which has about 4,000–8,000.)
And it’s not just the “little button” on the outside. It’s a whole internal structure that wraps around your vaginal canal, shaped like a wishbone.
So why were most of us taught that pleasure = penetration?
Well, patriarchy, but also poor sex ed. Research shows that most school curriculums globally skip teaching the clitoris altogether… some literally never mention it by name. And that’s where the disservice begins.
Penetration Alone? Not Enough for Most
Here’s a myth that needs to die: “If you’re not orgasming from penetration, something’s wrong with you.”
No, queen. Something’s wrong with the script you’ve been handed.
Studies confirm that only about 1 in 5 vulva-owners orgasm from penetration alone. The majority need clitoral stimulation, external, internal, or both.
This is why “foreplay” should not be considered a warm-up. For many, it’s the main event. Period.
Not All Orgasms Are Built the Same
Let’s break down the many flavors of climax:
Clitoral Orgasms
The most common, triggered by direct or indirect stimulation of the clit. Tingly, tight, surface-level (in the best way).
G-Spot Orgasms
Deeper and fuller, caused by stimulating the G-spot (located 2–3 inches inside the vagina, on the front wall). Often more intense, can involve squirting or crying. Or both.
Blended Orgasms
Clit + G-spot = explosion. They’re like the double shot espresso of orgasms.
Nipple Orgasms
Yes, they’re real! The somatosensory cortex the part of your brain that processes nipple stimulation, overlaps with the one that handles genital touch. Some folks can orgasm just from nipple play.
Mental / Energetic Orgasms
Yes, you can orgasm with breathwork, fantasy, or emotional connection alone. The mind is wild, and so are you.
Why Sex Toys? Because Science Says They Work
Toys are not “replacements”, they’re amplifiers.
A study by Indiana University found that:
53% of women who used vibrators experienced more frequent orgasms
Women who used toys had better communication with partners, higher sexual satisfaction, and stronger body confidence
Think of them as tools for connection with yourself, and potentially with a partner.
Pleasure = Power = Confidence
This part is personal.
When you learn to give yourself pleasure, not wait for it, not fake it, not shrink around it, something shifts.
You:
Walk taller
Set clearer boundaries
Stop shrinking your desires
And honestly? You just glow different
Owning your pleasure teaches you you’re worth prioritizing. And that’s not just sexy… that’s revolutionary.
Wait… Who Am I to Say All This?
I’m not just some girl on the internet with a sassy opinion and a drawer full of toys (okay… I am that too). But I also work at Be Daring, one of Australia’s most unapologetically fun and inclusive adult stores. I help run marketing, create content, and live and breathe the art of empowering people to explore their sexuality with confidence, curiosity, and consent.
It’s not just a job, it’s a whole movement. And I’m proud to be part of it.
We don’t just sell toys. We create space for conversations like this. We support queer, body-positive, and sex-positive representation. And we fight shame with knowledge and glow-in-the-dark clit-suckers.
My Top 6 Toys That Changed the Game for Me
Here’s the roundup of my go-to pleasure tech from Be Daring. If I was stranded on a desert island and could only bring six vibrating devices... these would be it:
Playboy Pleasure Petal Vibrator
Silicone petals flutter around the clit like it’s a VIP guest. Perfect for gentle, teasing stimulation, especially if you’re sensitive. Think: butterfly wings, but they vibrate.
Be Daring Glow Pink Rose Air Pulse
Air pulse = suction without touch. It mimics oral sex (no tongue cramp required), and the glow-in-the-dark design? Iconic. One of the best for clit stimulation without overstimulation.
We-Vibe Jive 2 Egg Vibrator
Insertable, app-controlled, and ideal for discreet public play or long-distance spice. G-spot stimulation meets tech girlie dream. Can confirm: gave me power-tripping main character energy.
Lovense Gemini Nipple Clamps
Nipple play gets scientific — and sexy. Vibrating, adjustable, and remote-controlled. Nipple orgasms? Yep. They’re real, and they’ll humble you.
Womanizer Next
The clit-sucking legend. It’s quiet, intense, and clinically tested to help even first-time orgasmers reach climax. It’s like having a magic wand made by German engineers. (Because it is.)
Soft by Playful Gigi Bullet
Travel-friendly but not shy. Packs a surprising punch for its size. Great for targeted clit play or couples who need a little buzzy sidekick.
How to Actually Use These Toys to Close the Orgasm Gap
Start solo — explore yourself without pressure or performance
Layer sensations — clit, G-spot, nipples, breathwork, combine & experiment
Use lube — always. More comfort = more pleasure
Go slow — the goal isn’t a race, it’s discovery
Talk about it — normalize these conversations with friends and partners
You don’t need a partner to have great sex. You need knowledge, kindness, and a USB charging cable.
Real Talk: Pleasure Is Political
The orgasm gap isn’t just about frustration. It’s about freedom.
When women, femmes, and nonbinary folks know their bodies, ask for what they want, and refuse to perform pleasure for someone else’s ego? That’s resistance.
In a world that profits off our insecurity, loving your body and chasing your own joy is a radical act of self-worth.
Listen Up..
Pleasure is your birthright, not a reward.
You're not “too much” for wanting more. You’re not broken if penetration alone doesn’t work. You’re not dramatic for needing foreplay.
Your body is powerful. Your orgasms are valid. Your sex life is yours to own.
And if someone else can’t meet you there? Babe, you’ve got six pink, rechargeable solutions who can.
So go forth and vibe, baby.
Whether you’re jamming with a vibrator, experimenting with air pulse tech, or just learning to love your own damn body, know that pleasure is not shameful. It’s divine.
I’ll be over here at Be Daring, fighting stigma with silicone and running content that feels like a wink, a hug, and a riot all at once.
Catch you on the next vibe. 🩷